Filial ... whaaaat?

If we're going to rant on the subject of filial piety and what it means in the modern setting, there's literally endless things to say. Certainly, Chinese people have institutionalized the idea of taking care of your elders in their infirmity into a religion. With the current fashionable movement to be 'innovative,' to 'break the mould,' to be against any and all institutions regardless, in addition to the ideology of democracy eroding into the Chinese tradition of age hierarchy, it's not surprising that people occasionally slip up and yell at their Grandpas. All the more appropriate to discuss the topic, with the timing near Ching Ming Festival, in which ritual tomb/grave sweeping and offerings of food, money and incense are made. (Well done Pilar, right on time!)

I just learned from my maternal grandmother that if you've relatives that are fresh in the grave, you have to visit them first, before Ching Ming day, in order to demonstrate that you haven't forgotten them so quickly. You visit the relatives that have been in the grave longer later, either on the day of, or after. The term for the newly dead isn't actually 'newly dead' - it's literally 'new mountain,' and 'old mountain' for the long buried. This is a nice way of pointing to the practice of having graves situated on hillsides or mountainsides, mostly for Feng Shui reasons. I think that if I were dead, I'd like a spot on a hilltop with a nice view too, frankly. (Pilar can you teach me how to insert Chinese characters? Ta.)

And, it all makes a lot of sense to me. If you've been dead for ages, you'd forgive your kids and grandkids for wanting to visit the people they remember more freshly, right? Though, with how intractable old people generally are, it's also difficult for me to imagine them being less than absolutely stubborn and demanding in the grave as they are in life. I have this strange image of a bunch of old dead people elbowing each other out of the way, to get the dibs on the freshest and best food offerings, just like I've seen real old folks do in the Hong Kong wet markets. (Chinatown NYC, Pilar?) Honestly, if you're that old, and that dead, no shame in giving your fellow ghost a shove, eh?

The Granddaughter Asian Grandpas Wouldn’t Want.

It’s no secret that I am a little crazy. I am easily agitated over random things. One of those things is my grandpa’s insistence on putting clothes in the dryer after they’ve been hanging to air dry for two days. It just doesn’t make sense to me. He claims that air-drying for two days first saves money because the dryer isn’t running for the full hour.

I wasn’t really in the mood because I had a really strange dream about rejection and woke up confused and slightly angry. (What else is really new?) I decided to wash the bed sheets because I equated clean sheets with good dreams but when I came downstairs, I saw grandpa stacking the clothes washed two days ago one by one in to the dryer -- apparently laying them flat helps the already dry clothes dry faster -- and I just went crazy and started complaining about it. And it turned into a full-blown argument with both of us yelling at each other. OMG and it must be a generational thing or maybe he has been watching way too many TVB shows but grandpa threw down that he can’t “忍 受” (rěn shòu, to suffer) the complaining about the issue anymore. He knew that we all thought his clothes drying methods were insane and chose to ignore them because he was stubborn. Ugh and then we ended up yelling at each other about how we should do our own laundry (which is fine with me cuz I think he’s insane).

So there you have it, perhaps the ultimate example of not being filial. Confucius must be rolling over in his grave. Hearing Grandpa wax poetic about how he is suffering the indignity of being lectured by his granddaughter made me feel bad. It was like reliving that sad Sutaitai moment again: the day when I vowed never to make the elderly feel so exasperated and defeated. woops. Looking back, I should’ve left it all alone. Both Dad and Alex have also made comments about his laundry method, but neither has been as aggressive as mine probably because they don’t spend nearly as much time at home as I do. I am probably having cabin fever and took it out on them. Still I should have known better. Grandpa and Grandma live in our home and I shouldn’t be looking at them as if they were mere guests. :sigh: This is yet another reason to find a job ASAP so I can move out and never have to deal with the guilt for yelling at people for doing stupid insane things again!!